Archive for the ‘Divorce’ Category

“ANTOINETTE’S TOP 10 DIVORCE / SEPARATION STORIES – I ASK: “ARE YOU NOT A LITTLE CURIOUS? *

Vol. 1,  No. 31, January 23, 2011

TITLE: “ANTOINETTE’S TOP lO DIVORCE / SEPARATION STORIES – I ASK : “ARE YOU NOT A LITTLE CURIOUS? *
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INTRODUCTION

My book of the week is: “The War of the Roses” by Warren Adler (Author). Hence my topic is divorce of the 3rd MOST brutal kind! (Editor`s Note: For today`s post, there has been a format change!)

IT WORDS FOR ME!*

For today, my word/phrase(s) are:  “divorce”, etc.

Divorce

“Divorce (or the dissolution of marriage) is the final termination of a marital union, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties. In most countries divorce requires the sanction of a court or other authority in a legal process. The legal process for divorce may also involve issues of spousal support, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt.”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce

STUDY/STATISTICS

Divorce rate (per 1,000 population aged 15 to 64 years)
                              2007    2005
US                          5.4%   5.4%
Canada                              3.2%
UK                                     3,9%
(Source: US Census ) -http://search.census.gov/search?q=cache:D3w4SLXKgKwJ:www.census.gov/compendia/statab/2010/tables/10s1300.xls+divorce&output=xml_no_dtd&ie=UTF-8&client=default_frontend&proxystylesheet=default_frontend&site=census&access=p&oe=ISO-8859-1

ANTOINETTE`S TOP 10 DIVORCE/SEPARATION STORIES: TRUE OR FALSE

NO. 1 –  WEDDING SPEECH LEADS TO ANNULMENT!*

Long ago, my Aunt and Mom told me about a wedding horrror story. The groom was giving his speech. He started by saying that he had recently been informed that his new bride was having an affair with the best man.  He had hired a private detective to investigate his future wife’s fidelity. The result was devastating.  He asked the guests to look under their chairs.  He had pasted to the seat a picture of his new wife (in a romantic way) with the best man.  A fight broke out between the groom and the bride’s brothers.  The police were called.  The wedding party was over. This was the ultimate revenge.  Last year, as I was driving to work, I was listening to the radio.  The announcer was doing a special on urban legends.  A young lady called in to recount a story that everybody thought was an urban legend but in fact was a true story.  She was at the wedding.  It was the same story that my Mom and Aunt had told me. Apparently. the couple got an annulment after the wedding.
N.B. This a TRUE story! (Source: Antoinette’s My Life and Times*)

NO. 2 “Divorce Follows Fancy Knife Work – The Lorena Bobbitt Story”*

“John Wayne Bobbitt (born March 23, 1967 in Buffalo, New York) and Lorena Bobbitt (née Gallo) (born October 31, 1970 in Bucay, Ecuador) were an American couple, married on June 18, 1989, whose difficult relationship gained worldwide notoriety for an incident in 1993 when Lorena severed John’s penis with a knife. The penis was subsequently surgically re-attached.

In 1995, after six years of marriage, Lorena and John divorced.”
N.B. This is a TRUE story! (Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_and_Lorena_Bobbitt

NO. 3 “Divorce Follows Conviction for Adultery!”* 

“In 2008, she was convicted of adultery, for an affair she admitted having with a singer. Her husband, Park Chul (박철), a radio talk show personality, sought the maximum sentence of two years’ imprisonment, while the prosecutors were seeking 18 months. Ok blamed her infidelity on a loveless marriage to her husband.[1] She was sentenced, in December 2008, to eight months in prison by a suburban Seoul court, but avoided jail because the sentence was suspended for two years.[2] In September 2008, a lower court had declared both partners jointly responsible for their divorce, and awarded custody of their eight-year-old daughter to Mr Park.[3]”

Ok had been trying to overturn a 1953 law that criminalises extramarital affairs and can send a person to jail for up to two years for adultery.[4] For this purpose she brought a case before the Constitutional Court of Korea, which ruled against the actress and in handing the decision said that society would be harmed if it overturned the law[2] and that the “two-year jail term is not excessive when comparing it to responsibility.”[1][4]”
N.B. This is TRUE but tragic story! (Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ok_So-ri

NO. 4 Wallis Simpson: First Husband

“Edward VIII (who famously abdicated the throne to take her hand in marriage) was not Wallis Warfield Simpson’s first husband. Nor was he her most domineering.
“The young man who first caught her eye was Lt. Earl Winfield Spencer Jr., a dashing young aviator stationed in Pensacola, Florida. The couple was married in 1916, but it wasn’t a happy union. Spencer turned out to be an abusive heroinic with a jealous streak, who tied his fun-loving wife to the bed when he left their home to keep her from straying.”
[Sources: Biography magazine, July 2003]
N.B. This is a TRUE story! (Source: Anecdotage) – http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=19048

NO. 5 DIVORCE PROVOKED BY READING: Bette Davis –  “Bette Davis Eyes”
“In December 1938, band leader Harmon Nelson was granted a divorce from Bette Davis. “She reads,” Nelson told the court, “to an unnecessary degree. She refused to put down a book even when company was present. On innumerable occasions, she absented herself from the room to pursue her everlasting reading.”
N.B. This is a TRUE story!  (Source: Anecdotage) –  http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=5557

NO. 6 “Divorce Follows Fraud Charge Over $3.5 Winning Loto Tkt: the case of the mother, daughter accused of stealing of husband’s $3.5 million lottery ticket – Sat., Oct. 4, 2008)”

“On April 4, 2008 Bobbi-Jo Arnold, accompanied by her mother Mary Patricia Moore and other family members, claimed a $3.5 million lottery ticket win in Toronto. On October 2 the two women were arrested by Ontario Police. Both are facing charges including fraud over $5000, possession of property obtained by crime, false pretenses and uttering a forged document. They allegedly stole the ticket from Moore’s then-husband.

The family dispute has led to Ms Moore (59) filing for divorce from her husband of ten years, Gerald Moore (81), in August. Mr Moore alleges Ms Arnold received the ticket from her mother, who took it from his bedside table. He further alleges his wife “manipulated” his medications to leave him incapable to grasp what was occurring. The Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation is also named in Mr Moore’s civil suit for alleged negligence in investigating Ms Arnold’s claim.”
N.B. This is a TRUE story! (Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Mother,_daughter_accused_of_stealing_of_husband%27s_$3.5_million_lottery_ticket

NO. 7 Sweet Revenge For Little Errand Leading to Divorce

A friend also told me a ‘sweet’ revenge story. There was this husband, newly married, who one day told his wife that he was going to the corner store for cigarettes or some such. He never returned. This was the start of a separation leading to a divorce. But our heroine was indomitable and ingenious. You see, our wayward husband had left without his stuff; suits, shirts, etc. Then there was a day when Mr. came back to pick up these personal belongings. All went swimmingly or so he thought. But as the story gores, the other shoe dropped weeks later. This is when he first wore one of the suits. As I had heard the story, he supposedly did not have a good day as his pants split along the seam from the zipper all the way back up to the waist. What makes the story special is that this lady used a razor blade to lightly cut the seam before Mr. took possession of the suit. Since, it appeared wearable, he supposedly had put on the suit. It only split afterwards when he was out and about. The plan was that the seam would break for the maximum embarrasment.
N.B. This is a TRUE, but a somewhat tragically humorous story!  (Source: Antoinette’s My Life and Times*)

NO. 8  “And Two Makes Four – Shania Twain, personal life (update)”*  

“Twain married music producer Robert John “Mutt” Lange on December 28, 1993, and they have a son, Eja D’Angelo (pronounced “Asia”) who was born on August 12, 2001. On May 15, 2008, a spokesperson for Mercury Nashville announced that Twain and Lange were separating after Lange had an affair with Twain’s best friend, Marie-Anne Thiebaud.[42][43] Their divorce was finalized on June 9, 2010.[44] On December 20, 2010, Twain’s manager confirmed that Twain was engaged to Swiss business executive Frederic Thiebaud, the ex-husband of Marie-Anne Thiebaud.[45][46] They married on January 1, 2011 in Rincón, Puerto Rico.[47]”
N.B. This is a TRUE story! (Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shania_Twain

NO. 9 Wedding Gift?
Shortly after her newly-divorced husband, Louis Calhern, married Julia Hoyt, Ilka Chase found a package of visiting cards bearing the title: “Mrs. Louis Calhern.” Rather than see them wasted, Chase had them wrapped and mailed to her successor, along with a curious note: “Dear Julia,” it read, “I hope these reach you in time.”
[Sources: T. Fuller, Worthies of England]
This is TRUE story! (Source: Anecdotage) – http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=8700

NO. 10 DIVORCE PROVOKED BY GREEN GARBAGE BAGS: Martha Stewart

“Living with Martha Stewart was no picnic for her husband, Andy. One Christmas, Martha flew into a rage after dinner. The problem? Martha disapproved of the “undecorative” green garbage cans which Andy was using to clear away the garbage. Andy later shocked Martha by announcing that their marriage was over. For Martha, the timing could not have been worse; she was then in the process of publishing a book – on weddings.”
This is a TRUE story!
(Source: Anecdotage) –  http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=17964

THE AUTHOR: Warren Adler

Born in Brooklyn, N.Y., Adler graduated from NYU. He was a war correspondant. Adler founded an advertising agency. This writer is talented. He was very much in tune with the domestic mindset and  in the “War of the Roses”, he got it right on. This book later a memorable movie found a big audience. Adler went West and adapted his novel(s) for the screen. He returned to NY.; I guess that you cannot take the city out this N.Y.boy.

SERIES/COLLECTION

Books

Some of his books are:

  • “The War of the Roses”
  •  “Random Hearts”
  •  “The Sunset Gang story
  • “The Children of the Roses”
  • “Funny Boys”

Movies
The notables are:

  • ” The War of the Roses” (US -1989) The stars were Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, and Danny DeVito.
  •  “Random Hearts” was also made into a major movie
  • The Sunset Gang story collection was made into a trilogy on PBS.

THE BOOK:  “The War of the Roses” by Warren Adler (Author)

This is a story which starts with the classic opening: boy meets girl. The story then follows the girly rhyme: X and Y sitting in a tree – first comes love, then comes marriage and next comes a baby in a baby carriage. Then like many marriages, divorce comes next. But with the Roses, it goes extreme. The battle has no limits. They fight over possessions. The passion is mis-directed and winning becomes everything. It is so over the top, it appears to be a carricature. It might seem to be an exaggeration, but one cannot help thinking that it can and does get this bad in real life. The book works for me as I can see how divorce can go so very bad. It has a moral. First, divorce is not a competition. Revenge has no place in the equation. It should never become a war.  Nobody wins. It’s lose lose.  

(N.B. The married couple’s family name is Rose.The title comes from history – the UK of the Middle Ages when two houses of nobles fought against each other, The title suggests that divorce between ex-spouses is comparable to a real war.)

CONCLUSION

Divorce happens… more often in higher proportions than we are comfortable with . Don’t let it become a war. Both sides are the losers.

My personal comments

A marriage breakup injures people. It can really hurt. This can and does provoke anger. Anger then can bring the need for retribution.  Sometimes couples focus only on revenge during a divorce. They feel they are the victims. Divorce can become a battleground, on which Mr. and Mrs. battle and they take no prisoners. But the ones that are truly victimized, are the children.

The point

Let us do better at divorce. For the sake of the kids, and also yourselves, you should work out the divorce settlement amicably.  I know, it’s easier said than done.   

ANTOINETTE’S TIP SHEET*
My message is short and sweet –
1. Get real; see divorce for what it is the end of a marriage not a means of payback;
2. Be aware that bitterness and revenge can consume a person. The best revenge is to move on and make a good life for yourself.

3. Lose the revenge. Instead, take the high road. It’s better for the kids and also for you!
4 Compromise – getting a fair share is good;  
5  Make it a good divorce!
A bad divorce lives on and on; while a good divorce comes to a speedy end and you move onto a better life. Isn’t that what you really want?
Take it out for a spin and tell me if you agree.

And that’s my thought of the week on books, what’s yours? *
ALP
“Books are life; and they make life better!*”
CREDITS
-Web Tech:  richmediasound.com

The above is a new media production of Valente under its “United Author*”
program.

*TM/© 2011 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.

Posted by on January 23rd, 2011 1 Comment

SORRY JACKIE COLLINS, I DON’T BELIEVE THAT ALL DIVORCED WOMEN ARE SLUTS!*” (DIVORCE: Part #2)

Vol. 1,  No. 21, November 1st 2010

TITLE: “SORRY JACKIE COLLINS, I DON’T BELIEVE THAT ALL DIVORCED WOMEN ARE SLUTS!*” (DIVORCE: Part #2)

My book of the week is: “The World is Full of Divorced Women” by Jackie Collins. Hence my topic is Divorce.

“IT WORDS FOR ME!*”

For today, my word/phrase(s) is: “Divorce”.
Divorce

Divorce (or the dissolution of marriage) is the final termination of a marital union, cancelling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties. In most countries divorce requires the sanction of a court or other authority in a legal process. The legal process for divorce may also involve issues of spousal support, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt.

(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) –http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce
STUDY/STATISTICS

Unites States

In 2008, 46% of all marriages involve a remarriage for one or both spouses. It is estimated that 40% of all marriages have ended in divorce as of 2008.[16] On average, first marriages that end in divorce last about eight years.[17] Of the first marriages for women from 1955 to 1959, about 79 percent marked their 15th anniversary, compared with only 57 percent for women who married for the first time from 1985 to 1989.[17] The median time between divorce and a second marriage was about three and a half years.[17]

In 2009 the overall divorce rate was in decline in the U.S., but so was the marriage rate.[18] A 1995 study found a wide range of unassociated factors including frequency of sex, wealth, race, and religious commitment.[19] The latter finding is contradicted by a study[20] by the Barna Group,[21] which found that a higher divorce rate was associated with infrequent church attendance.

(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce

S & R* NEWS ALERT* #1: Christina Aguilera files for divorce from Jordan Bateman, she has a prenup posted by Admin 14 Oct 2010.
(Source:  http://topcelebrityheadlines.com/christina-aguilera-files-for-divorce-from-jordan-bratman-she-has-a-prenup/ )
S & R* NEWS ALERT* #2: Courteney Cox separated from David Arquette

(Courteney) Cox married David Arquette on June 12, 1999. On June 13, 2004, she gave birth to their first child, daughter Coco Riley Arquette. Jennifer Aniston is the baby’s godmother.[22] On October 11, 2010, it was announced that the actress and her husband had separated, though they still maintain a close friendship and business relationship.[23] Cox is a brown belt in karate.[24]

(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) –  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courteney_Cox

Bonus fact #1

Courteney Cox is currently starring in the TV show, “Cougar Town”. She plays Jules Cobb, a 40- something woman who likes younger men.

MY LIFE & TIMES*

After 27 years of marriage, I found myself divorced.  At first, it was hard to be single.  Once I started to do the single scene, I met new people, I became more comfortable being on my own.  Of course, I wanted to meet Mr. Right, but I was in no hurry. I met friends of friends: several women of my age and I started circulating with them.  After going to the bars and night clubs, I soon realized that this was not my scene.  A work colleague told me about an association for single people – mostly middle-aged.  I became a member and started to attend their dance events regularly. Attendees were a diverse group of many real charaters. I met a great group of folks, both men and women. I also began socializing with them. Members gave house parties and I was invited.  Over five years ago, I met Mr. Right at a dance held at the association.  I don’t attend these dances anymore and regrettably now don’t see my single friends very often. However, I have many fond memories of my single life after my divorce; and my singles group made this possible for me.
THE AUTHOR: Jacqueline Jill “Jackie” Collins
Jacqueline Jill “Jackie” Collins was born in London on October 4th, 1937. She is an interesting mix: her parents were Elsa Bessant, Anglican and British and Joseph William Collins, South African and Jewish. Her father was a theatrical agent; and some of his clients were the Beatles and Tom Jones. Jackie’s sister is Joan Collins. Youngest in the family, Jackie was expelled from school at the age of 15 and soon started an affair with Marlon Brando, 29.  Jackie began an acting career in the 1950s and 1960s.  She wrote her first book, “The World Is Full of Married Men” and it was published in 1968.  The book was considered: “nasty, filthy and disgusting” and was banned in Australia and South Africa, but sales spiked in USA and U.K.  Collins married Wallace Austin in 1959 and had a daughter.  Four and half years later they were divorced. She now lives in Beverly Hills. She describes how she lives her life, “like a cool bachelor. I have a man for all seasons.” (Fact source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia)

SERIES/COLLECTION

Books
Her large body of work includes:
* The World Is Full Of Married Men (1968)
* The Stud (1969)
* Sinners (first published as Sunday Simmons & Charlie Brick) (1971)
* The Love Killers (first published as Lovehead) (1974)
* The World Is Full Of Divorced Women (1975)
* Lovers & Gamblers (1977)
* The Bitch (1979)
* Rock Star (1988)
* American Star (1993)
* Thrill (1998)
* Lovers & Players (2006)
* Married Lovers (2008)
* Poor Little Bitch Girl (2009 [UK] – 2010 [US])
* Hollywood Series
* Hollywood Wives (1983)
* Hollywood Husbands (1986)
* Hollywood Kids (1994)
* Hollywood Wives: The New Generation (2001)
* Hollywood Divorces (2003)
* The Santangelo Novels
* Main article: The Santangelo Novels
* Chances (1981)
* Lucky (1985)
* Lady Boss (1990)
* Vendetta: Lucky’s Revenge (1996)
* Dangerous Kiss (1999)
* Drop Dead Beautiful (2007)
* Goddess of Vengeance (coming in 2011)
* Madison Castelli Series
* L. A. Connections (serialised novel):
* Power (1998)
* Obsession (1998)
* Murder (1998)
* Revenge (1998)
* Lethal Seduction (2000)
* Deadly Embrace (2002)
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackie_Collins
Movies
Collins wrote the screenplay of her book, “The Stud”; her sister Joan was the star. Other books were made into TV movies: “Lady Boss”, “Yesterday’s Hero”, etc.
THE BOOK: “The World is Full of Divorced Women” by Jackie Collins
In this book, we have two naughty heroines who have the hots for having the hots. Writer Cleo James is married to Mike James. Cleo walks in on Mike having sex with her friend. Nude Model Muffin is big, if you know what I mean; and she has a boyfriend, Jon. The first line on the book’s back page states: “The world is their bedroom.” I say: “Jackie’s super- sexed duo are opposite from the women who believe that their dream house has no bedroom (and kitchen).” Cleo leaves Mike and has revenge sex; now unattached, she tries to rebuild a life. Mike wants to get back with Cleo, but seemingly is a sex addict. In this book, there is also a one night stand leading to a quickie marriage and an annulment try. And so it comes and goes.
Jackie Collins claims in her title that the world is full of divorced women. Surprisingly, that is pretty accurate. (See the above statistics section.) I deduce that Jackie believes this horde of divorcees are not merely party girls; instead they are hot mamas with a one track mind: All- Sex any time on demand: 24-7, morning, noon or night. They are on a mission to “bad men”; sorry I made a mistake, I meant to say: “bed men.”
If you have an urge to get down and dirty, reach for this book. 

CONCLUSION

My personal comments
Sorry Jackie (Collins), I don’t believe that all divorced women are sluts!* I’m not and I am not alone. There are many of us out there in Internetland.
I know of what I speak….been there… done that. I was bought up a good girl and grew into a lady. When I was marrried, I was a lady. When I was divorced, I was still a lady. I had fun; but wild was not on my ‘to do’ list. I guess you can’t take the lady out of a lady.
The point
Divorce is not a license to become a mindless boozer/druggie floozie. Instead, divorce is the open door to enter the new life that merits the fine person that you are.
Here are a few of my Don’ts and Dos:
Don’t
1. Lose yourself after a divorce; I think that you are better than that!
2. Be surprised to find married friends taking their leave of you.
3. Fall into bitterness; it’s a deep hole leading to no where good.
4. Allow yourself to be a victim; remember when it gets tough, the tough gets going.
5. Jump into a relationship immediately; experts say that two years is the minimum to wait. (I agree – it is important not to choose someone who is not good for you; and it is essential to figure out the qualities and characteristics of the person who is good for you.)
Do
1. Recognize that there is a BIG silver lining in a divorce; it stops you from simply coasting – it gives you the opportunity to take control and remake your life. to this end,
(a) Volunteer – helping others will get you not to think inward too much.
(b) Take a course – this will broaden your horizon.
(c) Figure out what is the next big thing for you; and now knowing what you want, stay focused and go after it!
2. Love your kids, especially now; and make sure that you consider them first.
3. Love yourself, forgive your weaknesses and errors, dust yourself off and start again.
4. Renew your old home if staying put or find new digs – indeed, a fresh environment helps you along in your new start.
5. Ask yourself what you like to do; and allow yourself the luxury of doing it occasionally, but only when you have accomplished something on your way of rebuilding a life.
6. Join single groups and meet new people – remember you are not the only person to be divorced;
7. Attend single events not with the objective to connect with your next significant other; instead, your aim is to socialize and have a few laughs. Surprise surprise, you will find new friends.
8. Always behave in an appropriate manner at any event you attend.
9. Stay single for a while until you figure out what you want out of your life and who qualifies best in the desirable role as your new better half.

Personally, I think that you are worth it. Don’t you?
Take it out for a spin and tell me if you agree.

And that’s my thought of the week on books, what’s yours? *
ALP
“Books are life; and they make life better!*”
CREDIT
-Web Tech:  richmediasound.com

The above is a new media production of Valente under its “United Author*” program.

*TM/© 2010 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.

Posted by on November 1st, 2010 Comments Off on SORRY JACKIE COLLINS, I DON’T BELIEVE THAT ALL DIVORCED WOMEN ARE SLUTS!*” (DIVORCE: Part #2)

“Divorce (Part #1): I say, “Watch out for our kids!”*

Vol. 1,  No. 15, September 20th, 2010

TITLE:  “Divorce  (Part #1): I say, ” Watch out for our kids!”*

“IT WORDS FOR ME!*”

My word of today is “divorce.” The first three letters are the same as those in the words, “divide” and “division”. When such happens, this entails loss. It is defined as: ” divorce: n. the legal dissolution of a marriage contract; separation; v.t. to obtain legal dissolution of a marriage; to separate; to sever; to disunite (Source: Webster’s Dictionary Edited by John Gage Allee, Ph.D). Now that’s a witch’s brew if I ever saw one. What a dreadful sounding word. But the numbers are worse than the sound.

STUDY/STATISTICS

Here are some stats:

“In 2008, 46% of all marriages involve a remarriage for one or both spouses. It is estimated that 40% of all marriages have ended in divorce as of 2008.[15] On average, first marriages that end in divorce last about eight years.[16] Of the first marriages for women from 1955 to 1959, about 79 percent marked their 15th anniversary, compared with only 57 percent for women who married for the first time from 1985 to 1989.[16] The median time between divorce and a second marriage was about three and a half years[16]” (Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia).  But the numbers are still not the whole story. It could be unpleasant.  This may be the understatement of the year. Divorce could be profoundly awful; and believe it or not,  even get ugly. If a denier, with strong stomach, please read on.

S & R* NEWS ALERT*

“Long Island doctor Richard Batista to estranged wife: Give me my kidney back or $1.5M” By Larry Mcshane DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS (Updated Thursday, January 8th 2009)”

Richard Batista can live with his broken heart. He just can’t bear his cheating wife living with his healthy kidney…There’s no deeper pain you can ever express than to be betrayed by the person you devoted your life to,” Batista told reporters in Garden City Wednesday.” (Source: NYDailyNews.com)

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/01/07/2009-01-07_long_island_doctor_richard_batista_to_es.html#ixzz0zukXCnCd

MY LIFE & TIMES*

Like many before me, I never thought it would happen to me. It took a while before my misfortune became clear. I was adrift and the sense of sadness seemed overpowering. I filed for a divorce. I was fortunate in having a support system: loving family and close friends – mostly new as the old ones had difficulty in continuing. I did not look to the big picture. Instead, I focused on the next step. I then proceeded to rebuild a life.

But enough about me. Like other parents in this situation, I was preoccupied about my kids. It has been said that the children are the ones that suffer the most when a couple divorces. That’s why this week’s book struck me as so important. It is: “The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive” [Hardcover]  by Robert E. Emery Ph.D.

THE AUTHOR: Robert E. Emery Ph.D.

He is a Professor, Director of Center for Children, Families, and the Law in the Psychology department at the University of Virginia. His areas are clinical and developmental.

SERIES/COLLECTION

Several of his learned pieces are as follows.

  • Emery, R.E. (2006). The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive. New York: Plume.
  • Emery, R.E., Otto, R.K., & O’Donohue, W. (2005). A Critical Assessment of Child Custody Evaluations: Limited Science and a Flawed System. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 6 (1).

THE BOOK:”The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive” [Hardcover]

Professor Emery has seen it all. He gets real. He sees  beyond the mere platitudes of parents such as: “I don’t want the kids to get hurt.” Of course, as the ex-spouses battle on, this is precisely what happens: children are traumatized and scarred. He speaks neutral common sense and his recommendations are a road map to a good divorce and happier times for the kids.

CONCLUSION

You probably guessed it. I have an opinion. Sorry, but here she comes!

The point

I know of what I speak: …been there… done that. I suggest that, when divorcing, both parents should:

1.     Try to do things amicably;

2.     Strive to be fair with each other. Why- do you ask?:

a.      It will be less stressful for you;

b.     It will make it easier for the children to accept the parental split; and

c.     On a financial note, lawyers’ fees will be more limited.

3.     Do NOT use the kids as ammunition – this is really NOT good!

4.     Do everything to faciliate the lives of the kids -this is really VERY good!

Take it out for a spin and tell me if you agree.

And that’s my thought of the week on books, what’s yours? *

ALP

“Books are life; and they make life better!*”

CREDITS

-Web Tech:  richmediasound.com

The above is a new media production of Valente under its “United Author*” program.

*TM/© 2010 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.

Posted by on September 20th, 2010 Comments Off on “Divorce (Part #1): I say, “Watch out for our kids!”*