ON LINE DATING: There are web sites for free, over 50 – with statistics and reviews, I have some tips!*

Vol. 2,  No. 35, Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

TITLE:   “ON LINE DATING: There are  web sites for free, over 50 – with statistics and reviews, I have some tips!*”

Valentine’s Day is coming  …Valentine’s Day is coming. There are many people looking for love. This week, l will write about dating sites and on-line dating.  For many, they are part of the solution.  My subject then is about love …..leading to relationships and perhaps marriage and children. My book of the week is: “Romancing the Web: A Therapist’s Guide to the Finer Points of Online Dating” [Paperback] by Diane M. Berry (Author). (Editor’s Note: This is part of a continuing series on dating and relationships.)
PREVIEW (Sunday, Jan. 29,2012): Valentine’s Day is around the corner.  I will do an update of my Valentine’s day post of last year, SPENDING VALENTINE’S DAY ALONE (OR NOT) – I HAVE THOUGHTS & IDEAS*” (Feb. 2011) I want to address those in a couple and those that are not.  (Editor’s Note: This is part of a continuing series on holidays & special dates plus dating and relationships.)
BONUS PREVIEW (Sunday, Feb. 5th 2012):  The mating dance is complex and difficult to perform successfully. One of the needed skill sets is the fine art of flirting. I wrote the post, “FLIRTING TIPS 101 FOR GIRLS & BOYS,   WOMEN & MEN:  I say have fun, but be careful!*” I will do an update, by adding pointers about reading body language. Reading the signs incorrectly leads to missteps. Understanding the non-verbal communications spells greater success at love. Why don’t you come by and check it out? It might give you one or more ‘Aha’ moments.   (Editor’s Note: This is part of a continuing series on dating and relationships.)  
Although I was not interested in joining these sites, I am not opposed to them. In this fast-paced world, online dating beats the bar scene any day.
Before I married, there was no such thing as a personal computer. Dating sites did not exist. Instead, the love potion song played on the radio.      Later when unattached, I became aware of looking for connections on the Internet. My single girl friends spoke of the web sites – they were members. They put a lot of effort into the profile that was uploaded. At site, they spent hours checking different profiles. They also chatted on-line late into the evening.  One found a gentleman on an online dating site and chatted him up.  She later found out that the picture on his profile was one of twenty years ago.  When she finally met him,  he didn’t looked anything like the posted picture.     But on-line dating never appealed to me.  After a long day at the office, it was hard for me to get on a computer and visit the sites. The thought of chatting with a stranger was even less appealing. I saw this as a waste of time.I preferred getting dolled-up and going to a social event. I enjoyed meeting people at such a setting.   I don`t have much personal experience with dating sites.

I have visited some out of curiosity. I have viewed some over someone`s shoulder. I also did some research.

Diane Berry was a divorce attorney turned therapist. She holds a law degree and also a Master’s Degree in Social Work.  Her interest is the family: divorce, step family adjustment, anger management and family violence.  In May 2000, she founded Blue Waters Family Counseling ckinic and acted as its director. She is also an author to add to her expertise. 
Some are:  
• “A Peace of My Mind a Therapist’s Guide to Handling Anger and Other Difficult Emotions”
• “Romancing the Web a Therapist’s Guide to the Finer Points of Online Dating”
• “Child-friendly Divorce a Divorce Therapist’s Guide to Helping Your Children Thrive”
THE BOOK: “Romancing the Web: A Therapist’s Guide to the Finer Points of Online Dating” [Paperback] by Diane M. Berry (Author)
The place for jerks was and still is a bar or club. And many of us do not like the ‘meat’ markets. To compound the problem, life today has become fast, busy and very demanding. The dating scene has shifted. There are new tools for those looking for love. Online dating is one such emerging wave.  However, there are new age problems. Questions abound, while answers are scarce. He said, she said, but who really knows? I vote for Diane Berry. Being a divorce lawyer and a therapist gives Berry a unique perspective. She knows that you really want a meaningful relationship. She has opinions. She uses real experiences. Her style is not critical, but coach-like.  It`s a handy hard copy resource for any key board romantic WANNABE.  There is no time to waste and to lose. It’s a good one.
Dating sites are very popular today. There is a big variety;
they range from free to paid membership, religious particular or not, 50 plus or younger, etc.  Anyone looking for love should make use of them.   
Personal Comments
It is quite common for young people to connect on-line. They have portable computers, mobile phones, music devices,  etc. Some have quite a technique.  I have heard of many success stories but then again, there are also many that are not.  There is a sea of profiles … so many seemingly looking for a serious relationship, only to later find out as you chat with him, that it is not true.  Many of these sites also provide webcam chats between members. A picture does not always do justify to someone … some people are not photogenic   There are so many steps before actually meeting the person.  With a generation that is so connected with computers, this may be the only way to go.  The future generation will probably be very comfortable with this, considering how easy they are with computers.  Unfortunately, the conversational skill is not used enough; and people don’t have occasion to learn how-to pick up on non- verbal signs. It is also true that without meeting someone in person, one misses the effect of his or her appearance and presence:  overall look, mannerisms and behaviour.
Like anything else, there are advantages and disadvantages.
Some of my pros for on-line dating are: 
• It is convenient.
• It narrows down what type of person you want to meet.
• You could get to know each other before you meet for real.
• It reduces the fear of rejection.
• It shows that if the first person doesn’t work out, not to worry … there’s plenty of other fish … you’ll meet someone else.
Some of my cons for on-line dating are: 
• You might find yourself bombarded with too many profiles, many or all not being suitable.  
• It can be very time-consuming.
• It might seem like hard work instead of an enjoyable use of free time.
• The picture is not always accurate.
• A person looking to date and claiming to be single, may in fact, be married.
• It takes away from physical communication.
While some may say that an online dating site is just another matchmaker, I’m not so sure.  Although I might think that the old fashion way may be more fun, I leave it up to you to make up your own mind.  
The Point
Anyone part of the current dating scene should consider these sites. Like it or not, it is the way of the future. 
When you are ready to meet that special person, don’t rule out joining an online site that works for you.  If one is not to your liking, then join another. 

Everyone should:
1. Look for love – it’s worth it.
2. Get out there –
2.1 Go to dances, parties, social events, etc.
2.2 Play sports and partcipate in activities;
2.3 Take up a hobby and join a club;  etc.
3. Be open to fix-ups;   
4. Use dating sites as a part of your dating strategy, but:
4.1 Check them out with the authorities and consumer business bureaus, local or national;  
4.2 Don’t make these sites your only connection to meeting someone special;
4.3 Be careful and please:    
4.3.1 Watch what information and photos that you upload.  
4.3.2 Be guarded and defensive if and when you agree to meet a new on-line date;.
4.3.3 Pick a during- the- day time and make it a public place like a busy restaurant;
4.3.4 Drive yourself to the meeting place;
4.3.5 Listen to your little voice if things don’t seem 100% right and get out of there at once;  
5. Remember to enjoy the search for true love.
How’s it going? – I’m praying that you meet your special someone!
And that’s my thought of the week on books, what’s yours?*
Take it out for a spin and tell me if you agree.
“Books are life; and they make life better!*”
P.S. Big News: There are big changes coming to my blog – Please stay tuned.
P.P.S. #1 I have a TWITTER page. Consider becoming a follower? Visit
www.twitter.com –   saveandread
P.P.S. #2 I also have a FACEBOOK page. Consider becoming a friend? Visit:
www.facebook.com – Alp Save Andread – please check it out.
P.P.S. #3 I am on Linkedin. Consider becoming a connection? Visit 
www.linkedin.com – Antoinette La Posta
*TM/© 2012 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.
S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #1: “Mrs. Personality”
“One day in April 2003, Jay Leno watched Monica Lewinsky hosting a reality TV dating game show entitled “Mr. Personality” (in which a female contestant was required to pick one of a group of men without seeing them). “She provedthe old adage,” Leno later quipped, “that the camera adds 110 pounds.”
(Source: Ancdotage –  
S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #2: “Bachelor Blooper”
“On the way to a star-studded function in Los Angeles one day, Drew Carey found himself in a limousine with several other celebrities, among them Jim Belushi, who asked him about his show’s move to a Monday night time slot (after NFL football). Carey explained that the hit reality dating show “The Bachelor” had assumed his old Wednesday night slot. Then he went off on a rant: “Can you believe this guy?” Carey fumed. “25 women to choose from – some of them educated – and he chooses the two blondes with the biggest tits! One he slept with1, one he didn’t.. and of course, he picked the one who slept with2 him…” At last a man sitting beside him interjected: “Actually, that’s not how it happened at all.” Carey, never one to back down from an argument, disagreed – until the man’s identity became embarrassingly apparent. It was the bachelor!”
(Source: Anecdotage – http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=6217)
S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #3: “Double Date”
“Burgess Meredith once found himself on a regrettable date with the actress Dorris Bowdon. Though the evening (actually a double date with Mary Healy and Franchot Tone) was pleasant enough, Bowdon spent the entire time singing the praises of the witty screenwriter Nunnally Johnson, whom she had met (and incessantly flirted with) during the shooting of The Grapes of Wrath (1940). At last Burgess took her home. Instead of kissing her, however, he simply offered a word of advice: “Get thee to a Nunnally!”
(Source: Anecdotage – 
S & R* QUOTE #1: Margaret J. Wheatley
“Love in organizations, then, is the most potent source of power we have available.”
(Source: Wisdom Quotes –  
S & R* QUOTE #2: Sam Keen
“Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
(Source: Wisdom Quotes –  
S & R* QUOTE #3: Amy Bloom
“In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on, and even, frankly, worth divorcing over, both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. “Deserves” is not the point. And “owes” is certainly not the point. The pont is to make the other person as happy as we can, because their happiness adds to ours. The point is — in the right hands, everything that you give, you get.”
(Source: Wisdom Quotes – 
“For today, my word/phrase(s) are:  “online dating”;“dating”; “matchmaker”
Online Dating
“Online dating or Internet dating is a dating system which allows individuals, couples and groups to make contact and communicate with each other over the Internet, usually with the objective of developing a personal, romantic, or sexual relationship. Online dating services usually provide unmoderated matchmaking over the Internet, through the use of personal computers or cell phones.”
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_dating_service)
“Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.”
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) –
“A matchmaker is a person who engages in matchmaking, sometimes as a profession.”
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) – 
“The United States generated $957 million in revenue in 2008 from online dating services[1] The U.S. online dating market is expected to increase spending to $932 million in 2011.[2] The most successful niche sites pair people by race, sexual orientation or religion.[6] The 20 most popular dating sites in 2006 as ranked by Hitwise include JDate (for Jewish singles), Christian Mingle, ChristianCafe, Manhunt (same sex introductions), Love From India, Black Christian People Meet, Amigos (for Latino singles), Asian People Meet, and Shaadi (for Indian singles).[6] In March 2008, the top 5 overall sites held 7% less market share than they did one year ago while the top sites from the top five major niche dating categories made considerable gains.[7] In 2002, a Wired magazine article forecast that, “Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love without looking for it online will be silly, akin to skipping the card catalog to instead wander the stacks because ‘the right books are found only by accident.’ Serendipity is the hallmark of inefficient markets, and the marketplace of love, like it or not, is becoming more efficient.”[4] Most recently, it has become common for online dating websites to provide webcam chats between members. In addition, as the online dating population becomes larger, sites with specific demographics are becoming more popular as a way to narrow the pool of potential matches.[5]
Online daters may have more liberal social attitudes compared to the general population in the United States.[13]”
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_dating_service
S & R* NEWS ALERT* #1: Tips for singles on Valentine’s Day By Maja Begovic
“Valentine’s Day can conjure up feelings of loneliness for those without a mate. But being alone is cheaper, easier, and it’s probably better than going out on some random date, or being with a person you’ve been meaning to break up with for months. If you don’t have a date, don’t stay at home and pout. Here are some ideas to help you celebrate the day of love:
1. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you are saving.
2. Plan well in advance to do something that will not place you in the path of cooing couples. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else on Valentine’s Day.
3. Resist the temptation to turn off your phone and crawl into bed early. Book a deep tissue massage at a fantastic spa, followed by a manicure and pedicure. Host a fondue party or a potluck at your house, or grab a few single friends and book a sightseeing flight over your city.
4. Do you know a couple with children who never go out because they just don’t feel they can afford a babysitter? Offer them a free night of babysitting and let them enjoy a romantic night out.
5. Nothing spreads the love faster than doing a little volunteer work. Take time to remember your good fortune and learn about how you can help improve the lives of children living in poverty through a non-profit organization like Christian Children’s Fund of Canada (www.ccfcanada.ca).
6. If you are single, but would rather not be, think about what is standing in the way of you and a new relationship. Find ways to work on becoming the person your dream partner would fall in love with. Start therapy. Take up yoga. Take action to change the world. It is into the fullest lives that love is most likely to fall.”
S & R* NEWS ALERT* #2: How to find your one and onlyBy Maja Begovic
“We all want to find the person we are meant to be with. That special someone we are totally enamored by, connected to, and head-over-heels in love with. Just in time for a fresh start this Valentine’s Day, here are some pearls of wisdom that may eventually help bring you and your beloved together:
Believe in your soul mate and be patient
Fate doesn’t work on a schedule. Your soul mate might cross your path when you’re eight or 80 years old. If you can believe in love even when life doesn’t seem to be taking you in that direction you’re already halfway there.
Make yourself a better person
Next, begin the process of self-improvement. Be the type of person people fall in love with. If you think you need a better job or education, go back to school. If you want to improve your health, go to the gym and get in shape. If you want to expand your horizons, then begin to volunteer or get involved with a non-profit organization like Christian Children’s Fund of Canada (
www.ccfcanada.ca) and see how improving the lives of people living in poverty can help bring new perspective into your own life.
Don’t hate being single
Honour the state of not yet having a mate. Enjoy your life, go out with friends, and pursue paths of self-improvement. Spend time fine-tuning skills, nurturing interests, and having adventures. Study, take courses, and do things that help you grow personally, spiritually, and professionally.
Live fully and stay open. Love may not be far behind.
How will I know when I do find my soul mate?
Your soul mate will be a person you will feel a very strong and passionate connection with, as well as an old connection. In other words, you will feel as if you have known the person for a long time, even though you may have just met him or her recently. Even in moments of doubt and fear, open your arms to love. Know that every step you take in the direction of love will bring your true love closer to you.”
*TM/© 2012 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 22nd, 2012 at 8:24 pm and is filed under Relationships; Romance, Dating, Marriage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.


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