BODY LANGUAGE: Flirt / men or women flirting- interpret / read meaning, signs, tips, etc.*

Vol. 2,  No. 37, February 5th 2012

TITLE: “BODY LANGUAGE: Flirt / men or women flirting- interpret / read meaning, signs, tips, etc.*” 


SPECIAL ALERT…. Attention all wannabe seductresses and pickup artists! With the coming of Valentine’s Day, romance and dating is on the minds of many people. I am again thinking about flirting – it is the first step in the mating dance. My starting point is my first blog post titled, “FLIRTING TIPS 101 FOR GIRLS & BOYS,   WOMEN & MEN:  I say have fun, but be careful!*”(Vol. 2,  No. 22, October 23, 2011) But now I will go deeper. Yes, I am speaking about body language – I say that it could be a useful tool. The dating circus is daunting. Hence, my topic is body language – how to read it and how to express yourself. My book of the week is .”The Body Language of Dating: Read His Signals, Send Your Own, and Get the Guy” [Hardcover] by Tonya Reiman… (Editor’s Note: This is part of a continuing series on dating and relationships.)
PREVIEW (Sunday, Feb. 12th 2012): Valentine’s Day is around the corner,   The mating dance is complex and difficult to perform successfully. One of the needed skill sets is the fine art of flirting. I wrote the post, “FLIRTING TIPS 101 FOR GIRLS & BOYS,   WOMEN & MEN:  I say have fun, but be careful!*”  (Sunday, Oct.23, 2011) and last week, I did an update, by adding pointers about reading body language. Reading the signs incorrectly leads to missteps. Understanding the non-verbal communications spells greater success at love. I had a lot of material…I will continue the subject into next week’s blog.  Why don’t you come by and check it out? It might give you one or more ’Aha’ moments.   (Editor’s Note: This is part of a continuing series on dating and relationships.)     

BONUS PREVIEW (New date – Sunday, Feb. 19th 2012): If looking for Mr./Ms. Right, I have an opinion. Let’s dialogue. If you want straight talk,  come on over. Let’s talk. I’ll start the conversation with my blog post. Then, you can have your say…you can have the floor… Why don’t you leave me a comment.  I’ll try not to interrupt. (Editor’s Note: This is part of a continuing series on dating and relationships.)  


During the time that I was attending my single events, I would observe, from a distance, a man putting the moves on a woman.  It was interesting to watch. But when I was the object of a man’s attention, it was personal …and I fretted a little. I knew that if a man was interested in me – I needed to look for hints at what he was looking for. That was my focus and the number one piece of information that I wanted. I tried to pay attention to his signals, if any. I asked myself, “Was he presenting himself as somebody respectable?”
When all else failed, I went with my intuition.
During my single days, I was told many times by my male friends that I was sending out the wrong signals. Apparently, my body language was saying, “I’m not open to meeting a man. Don’t come near me, I do not want to be approached.”.  I realized that I had to change.  I needed to transmit a ‘come-on-over’ message.  Soon, I was meeting men.  Alas, my body language was now giving out the right signals.
Body language is a form of communication.  Although I don’t speak it well and I don’t understand it well,  I recognize that I do it …we all do. But some of us do it better than others.  While I’m not an expert – I wanted to learn more about reading and sending body language. Now I want to share with you all what I have learnt.
THE AUTHOR: Tonya Reiman
Tonya Reiman experienced life as a child born in the sixties. She attended Pace University and graduated with a General Studies degree.  A life changing experience was an incident when a psychology professor came nose to nose with her in order to demonstrate the significance of “personal space”. She is a Certified Hypnotist, holding a NGH certification; she had a private practice, No Boundaries Hypnosis, in Smithtown, Long Island. She is an author and motivational speaker. She is a political commentator, featured as a contributor on The O’Reilly Factor, on the Fox News Channel. She penned many articles on body language published in Cosmopolitan, Life & Style, Time, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Woman’s World and Positive Thinking.
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) –

Several of her books are:
•”The Yes Factor: Get What You Want, Say What You Mean, the Power of Persuasive Communication”.
•”The Power of Body Language: How to Succeed in Every Business and Social Encounter”
THE BOOK: “The Body Language of Dating: Read His Signals, Send Your Own, and Get the Guy” [Hardcover] by Tonya Reiman
I started with the question: “What attracts the opposite sexes to one another?” I also wondered what makes us attractive. In this book, Reiman, a history lover, considered the topic of human attraction and seduction and asks how it’s changed through the years. She looks at body parts both male and female. She wants to know, if and why, each is attractive or unattractive. She recognizes dating success or failure.  She explains that attraction is: a)  Biological; b)  Physical; c) Chemical; d) Mental.  Her message is also that attraction: is: e) Detectable; f) Manageable and g) Maneuverable. Reiman has made a contibution to the knowedge on seduction, conversation, connection, and enduring romance. It’s a HOW-TO guide. If ovcr 18, you have a learners’ permit. Read it and meet Cupid sooner than later.  
Personal Comments
  • Winning at love starts at the preliminary round. This is the warm up and flirting is on the menu. If interested, this is where the signal is to be sent. In the dating game, suceess or failure depends upon correctly reading body language and giving off the right non -verbal signals.
  • Flirting is not necessarily an invitation for or offer of sex.  
  • Be conscious that your body language reveals how you feel about others. 
  • Eye contact is one of the most important aspects when you meet someone.  Maintaining the right level comes across as showing courtesy plus the interest in what the person has to say. Holding someone in a long gaze is a sure sign of interest.  Other signals may be more subtle.
  • Once you send an inviting signal to the opposite sex, it’s harder to shut down the opening. It could then get uncomfortable or even dangerous.
  • Learn to read body language correctly. Observe people.  Try to guess what’s on their mind.
  • Look for eye contact, strong hand shake – ask youself, “What is revealed by his or her body language?” He or she is responding to stimuli, consciously or unconsciously.
  • Reading someone clearly is job #1 –  doing this better can save you a lot of headaches. 
  • Be careful to send out the right message. Subconsciously, at times, we may be sending the wrong message. 
The Point
The skill is knowing what to look for and being observant.  Learning to read body language is a very useful social skill. The knack is also to make your signals fit your wishes.

Everyone in the dating scene should note:
1. How we communicate – the answer is: a) 7% in words; b) 35%, the way we speak; c) 35% through body language;
2. First impression (visual clues)- several are: a) Gender (male/female);  b)Face (e.g., (i). ethnic/national group; (ii). Facial hair for a man – for me, it signifies someone cautious; c)  Age (younger/older); d) Prosperity & status;  e) Education; f) Style sense; etc. (N.B. It’s important to receive unfavorable information ASAP – don’t disregard visual clues – there is a lot more under the surface.) 
3. Visual communicators:  a) Appearance –  NOTICE TO MEN EVERYWHERE: Your shoes are a huge telltale sign for women. First, the choice of shoe tells something about your character…conservative or flamboyant? Also, their condition tells others something about your values and discipline level.  Worn and dirty yells pass. Leather not vinyl says that you are the real deal.  Proper and conservative brogue type says that you are  well-screwed on, not screwed up. Indeed, shoes indicate what type of person a woman is dealing with – his status, his character, importance on grooming, etc.; b) Clothes;
4. Auditory communicators -they: a) Confirm: (i). Gender; and (ii).  Age; b) Could suggest confidence or lack of it; c) Could give off clues to personality, intelligence, social economic background, etc.; 
5. Speaking style communicators – look at: a) Type: (i). Variety of volume – both high and low volume would make people uncomfortable – it might signify a need to dominate and feelings of inadequacy; (ii). Speed – it might mean that he or she wants to conclude the conversation – it might show nervousness; (iii). Pitch;  b) Use of jargon & slang – it could give a hint of geographical origin;  c) Good conversational  topics and their propriety for business or social environments – they could show experience and ease in social situations;  d) Suitable questions could further show good social sense; e) Good telephone etiquette – it would show me he has a little class;
6. Analyzing visual auditory clues – they could suggest: a) If someone is a positive or negative person; c) If he or she is receptive or contrary to what is being said to him or her;   d) If he or she seems truthful and sincere;  
7. Learning non verbal body language: a) Learn to spot: (i).  If someone is seemingly functional or not; (ii). Quality of  behavior learned, not instinctive; (iii). If he or she is open to learn or already knows it all – if so, don’t stop! (iii). If he or she is willing to improve and change –  if not, he or she is in the “No” trap, keep walking if you please.  
8. Language choices -it touches upon credibility: a) Words being used – Be conscious that words have different connotations and meaning – examples : (i). I’m sorry;  (ii). You’re fired;  
9. Facial expressions are indicative of emotions, which a person is feeling: a) Smile signifies receptiveness: (i). Smile up to eyes signifies happiness; (ii). Smile moderate and contrived signifies insincerity;  c) Micro- expressions – these are expressions that  flash for a second providing key insights in the person – Pay attention!
9.1 Eyes & Pupil dilation:  a) Whether dilated or not, there is something, provoking emotional response in him or her; b) Interrelated topics: (i). Biofeedback; (ii).  Meditation; (iii). Yes you can feelings;  c) Face –saving quality; d) Performance appraisal – remember there are no stupid questions … only stupid answers!
10. Five main non verbal communicators: a) Eye contact: (i) Staring is aggressive;  b) Facial expression: (i). Furling one’s brow could show concentration or intense need to know; (ii). Frown signifies indifference; c) Body position: (i). Straight up indicates strength; (ii). Leaning in shows interest;  d) Body proximity: (i). Being at arm’s length is minimum and respectful of others; (ii) Staying further away suggests attitude of stand-offishness; (iii). Coming much closer is invasion of personal space – this is threatening behavior ; (iv). Grabbing can be near assault – this is never good; e) Linguistic behavior: (i) articulate or not  – how you say what you say; (ii). Use of pause and silence: It strikes a contrast with volume. Going silent does not show stupidity – it shows that one is thinking and able to stop talking -indeed ready to listen. It also shows confidence as there is not always the need to say something.
SURPRISE…SURPRISE…More to come…to be continued next week!  
And that’s my thought of the week on books, what’s yours?*
Take it out for a spin and tell me if you agree.
“Books are life; and they make life better!*”
P.S. Big News: There are big changes coming to my blog – Please stay tuned.
P.P.S. #1 I have a TWITTER page. Consider becoming a follower? Visit –   saveandread
P.P.S. #2 I also have a FACEBOOK page. Consider becoming a friend? Visit: – Alp Save Andread – please check it out.
P.P.S. #3 I am on Linkedin. Consider becoming a connection? Visit – Antoinette La Posta
*TM/© 2012 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.
S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #1: Julia Sweeney: Pat
“Julia Sweeney once revealed the inspiration behind her classic character – the androgynous “Pat” – on “Saturday Night Live”: “I’d been an accountant for like five years, and there was one person I worked with in particular who had a lot of mannerisms like Pat. This person sort of drooled and had the kind of body language of Pat. I started trying to do him. I was testing it out on my friends and they were just like, ‘Yeah, it’s good, but it doesn’t seem like a guy that much.’ Like I couldn’t quite pull off being in drag convincingly enough. So then I thought, maybe that’s the joke. I’ll just have one joke in here about we don’t know if that’s a man or a woman just to sort of cover up for my lack of ability to really play a guy convincingly!”
(Source: Anecdotage) –
S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #2: Muammar Qaddafi: Body Language
“In March 2004, Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi met with British Prime Minister Tony Blair for a widely-televised interview in a tent in the desert. Only later did Blair learn that showing another man the soles of one’s feet, as Qaddafi did (to Blair) throughout the interview, was understood by Arabs as a major sign of disrespect.”
(Source: Anecdotage) –
S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #3:Nixon Down Under
“One day during his presidency, Richard Nixon landed in Australia for a state visit. As he stepped from the plane, Nixon made a peace sign (as was his custom) to signify solidarity with his Aussie hosts. Some time later he was delicately informed that, in Australia, the so-called ‘peace sign’ (unless the palm is facing out) is the equivalent of an American display of the middle finger.”
(Source:  Anecdotage) –
S & R* QUOTE #1: Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he knows that every day is Doomsday.”
 (Source: Wisom Quotes) –
S & R* QUOTE #2: Benjamin Franklin
“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of.”
(Source: Wisdom Quotes) –
S & R* QUOTE #3: Captain Jean-Luc Picard
“Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived. played by Patrick Stewart, from the film “Star Trek: Generations”
(Source: Wisdom Quotes) –
“For today, my word/phrase(s) are:  “body language”;
Body Language
“Body language is a form of mental and physical ability of human non-verbal communication, which consists of body posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye movements. Humans send and interpret such signals almost entirely subconsciously.”
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) –
“It is important to note that some indicators of emotion (e.g. smiling/laughing when happy, frowning/crying when sad) are largely universal;[citation needed],[4] however in the 1990s Paul Ekman expanded his list of basic emotions, including a range of positive and negative emotions, not all of which are encoded in facial muscles.[13] The newly included emotions are:
A study in body language.
1. Amusement
2. Contempt
3. Contentment
4. Embarrassment
5. Excitement
6. Guilt
7. Pride in achievement
8. Relief
9. Satisfaction
10. Sensory pleasure
11. Shame
Body language signals may have a goal other than communication. People would keep both these two in mind. Observers limit the weight they place on non-verbal cues. Signalers clarify their signals to indicate the biological origin of their actions. Examples would include yawning (sleepiness), showing lack of interest (sexual interest/survival interest), attempts to change the topic (fight or flight drivers).
Physical expression
“Physical expressions like waving, pointing, touching and slouching are all forms of nonverbal communication. One of the most basic and powerful body-language signals is when a person crosses his or her arms across the chest.[6] This can indicate that a person is putting up an unconscious barrier between themselves and others. Consistent eye contact can indicate that a person is thinking positively of what the speaker is saying. It can also mean that the other person doesn’t trust the speaker enough to “take their eyes off” the speaker. Lack of eye contact can indicate negativity Disbelief is often indicated by averted gaze, or by touching the ear or scratching the chin.Boredom is indicated by the head tilting to one side, or by the eyes looking straight at the speaker but becoming slightly unfocused.Interest can be indicated through posture or extended eye contact, such as standing and listening properly.[citation needed] Deceit or the act of withholding information can sometimes be indicated by touching the face during conversation. Excessive blinking is a well-known indicator of someone who is lying. Recently[when?], evidence has surfaced that the absence of blinking can also represent lying as a more reliable factor than excessive blinking. [7″
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) –
WOZA gives roses as a symbol of love and peace on Valentine’s Day This Valentine’s Day, courageous women in Zimbabwe will be handing out paper roses in the streets. Jenni Williams, the leader of Women of Zimbabwe Arise (WOZA), has lost count of how many times she has been arrested maybe 37 or 38, she says. Jenni and her colleague, Magodonga Mahlangu, are only two of the many women who have been arrested, ill-treated, intimidated and harassed for their peaceful human rights work in this southern African country. Members often give out paper roses during their peaceful marches to symbolize their slogan of love and peace. At a Valentine’s Day event in Bulawayo last year, WOZA marched with banners proclaiming The Power of Love can conquer the Love of Power and handed out roses to the public. Three of the 53 women arrested had simply been watching. At trial, the prosecutor decided against legal action, and the activists walked free after paying fines.WOZA was formed in 2003 to defend human rights amidst the political violence in Zimbabwe, and continues their work today by mobilizing to improve living conditions for all Zimbabweans. WOZA members organize vocal and colourful peaceful demonstrations to protest
government policies that lead to a worsening social, economic and human rights situation in the country. Police arrest even children, women carrying babies and pregnant women. Officers release many without charge, but take advantage of repressive legislation such as the Public Order and Security Act and the Miscellaneous Offences Act to charge some of them.The government, in an effort to prevent public protest and criticism of its policies, has become increasingly intolerant of the work of human rights defenders and is actively seeking to silence them. WOZA members will continue by peaceful means to use their freedom to meet together and criticize government policy. Members of Amnesty International around the world are calling for the protection of WOZA members and all human rights defenders in Zimbabwe. A free information kit about how to help protect the rights of people in Zimbabwe and other countries around the world is available from Amnesty International, 1992 Yonge Street, Suite #315, Toronto, Ontario, M4S 1Z7, or

S & R* NEWS ALERT* #2: Tips for singles on Valentine’s Day By Maja Begovic
Valentine’s Day can conjure up feelings of loneliness for those without a mate. But being alone is cheaper, easier, and it’s probably better than going out on some random date, or being with a person you’ve been meaning to break up with for months. If you don’t have a date, don’t stay at home and pout. Here are some ideas to help you celebrate the day of love:
1. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you are saving.
2. Plan well in advance to do something that will not place you in the path of cooing couples. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else on Valentine’s Day.
3. Resist the temptation to turn off your phone and crawl into bed early. Book a deep tissue massage at a fantastic spa, followed by a manicure and pedicure. Host a fondue party or a potluck at your house, or grab a few single friends and book a sightseeing flight over your city.
4. Do you know a couple with children who never go out because they just don’t feel they can afford a babysitter? Offer them a free night of babysitting and let them enjoy a romantic night out.
5. Nothing spreads the love faster than doing a little volunteer work. Take time to remember your good fortune and learn about how you can help improve the lives of children living in poverty through a non-profit organization like Christian Children’s Fund of Canada (
6. If you are single, but would rather not be, think about what is standing in the way of you and a new relationship. Find ways to work on becoming the person your dream partner would fall in love with. Start therapy. Take up yoga. Take action to change the world. It is into the fullest lives that love is most likely to fall.
TM/© 2012 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved


This entry was posted on Sunday, February 5th, 2012 at 9:00 pm and is filed under Relationships; Romance, Dating, Marriage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.


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