WOMEN ASK MEN OUT / LADY ASK A GUY OUT: I answer the question: “Why don’t women make the first move?*

Vol. 3, No.41, Saturday, January 26, 2013

TITLE: “WOMEN ASK MEN OUT / LADY ASK A GUY OUT I answer the question: “Why don’t women make the first move?*”

INTRODUCTION

Feb. 14th is just around the corner. Of course, that’s Valentine`s Day. I have been thinking about that question that has confounded women and girls for years: What if he does not make the move, should I? In the past, Rule #1 was for a lady to wait for a man to ask her to dance or go on a date. But, today’s woman (and girl) has options. Personally, I have refrained from doing so, but I have stories and thoughts. Thus, it’s certainly something to think about. And there is still time to take the lead and ask out that certain fellow you have been eyeing. If you do it before Valentine`s Day … who knows?  

My topic is then about women making the first move. And the book of the week is Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl’s Guide to Picking Up Hot Guys” [Paperback] by Samantha Scholfield (Author). So the immediate question is: Will you continue reading this post?” I think it’s your next best move. (Editor’s Note: This is another in the continuing series on dating, relationships and marriage.)

ANTOINETTE’S LIFE & TIMES*

There is a singles’ association which holds many events. A number of years ago when I was single, I used to regularly attend the Saturday Night dances.  During a typical evening, they usually announced “Lady’s Choice”.  That’s when a woman can ask a man to dance.  It was very popular. But, I still waited to be asked by a gentleman. 

Should a woman make the first move?  Yes, why not! Although I approve, I couldn’t bring myself to do so. But, here’s some real life stories.

#1. Ms AAA: She was a friend of mine. There was a certain man and she was interested in him in a romantic way. They had been friends for awhile. While showing an interest in her, he never made the move.  One day she gave him an ultimatum: Either start a relationship or go their separate ways.  The result was they started seeing each other and a wonderful relationship blossomed. It worked!

#2. Ms BBB: She was a young lady who I knew. She liked a certain young man. She got tired waiting. Finally, she initiated a relationship. And today, they’re happily married. Here again, it worked.

#3. Ms CCC: This was a story related by a friend. There was a smart young man going to university. His aim was medical school. He had many good qualities: soft-spoken, intelligent, hard working, nice guy all around. He showed much potential, but he was somewhat of a book type and very shy. And there was a young woman just as smart; she was very interested in this fellow.  She pursued him, making move after move.  He got hooked. He got his M.D.; and she got her Mrs. He became a very successful doctor and they have been happily married for many years. Thus, she took a chance and it worked for her; it also worked for him. And in this case as well, the lady got her man!

THE AUTHOR:  Samantha Scholfield (Author)

Scholfield attended UCLA earning degrees in English Literature and Bio-Geography. More importantly, Samantha – Sam for short, has many years of dating experience. She has become something of an expert- a dating guru and a contributor to Yahoo com, Seventeen, Cosmopolitan and The Huffington Post.  She has a boyfriend and lives in San Francisco.

SERIES/COLLECTION

Books/Articles:

Several are:

Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl’s Guide to Picking Up Hot Guys by Samantha Scholfield (Sep 1 2009)

Awkward: A Survival Guide for When All You Can Do is Cringe by Samantha Scholfield (Jun 1 2011)

THE BOOK:  Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl’s Guide to Picking Up Hot Guys [Paperback] by Samantha Scholfield (Author)

Scholfield is liberated enough to pick up guys. She personifies the SASSY GIRL. She has techniques and strategies, which she developed following extensive trial and error and by speaking with many women and even some men. By using the expression, “Screw Cupid”, she rejects the old ways. This young woman will not wait for the young man to come a calling. She’s her own woman. If you are of like mind, you should read her book. It’s a “how- to” manual to get your man. It explains the way to initiate a conversation wherever you may be, make the connection and score a date. The beauty is her approach is that the guy will not realize he’s not the pursuer.

CONCLUSION

Most people, both men and women, want to find love. Many want a relationship and commitment, marriage and children, the white picket fence and living happily ever after. If single, with nothing now happening, then what? Should a woman take the lead and ask a hot guy for a date? That is the million-dollar question.

Personal Comments

  • For years, men have been the pursuers.  But times are changing. Men today are not as thick-skinned as they once were. For many, their fear of rejection is so huge, they’re stuck being wall flowers.  
  • Many men, especially if shy and less confident, will make advances ONLY if the woman gives a signal of interest.  I often hear a male friend say, “I will ask the question only when I know what the answer will be.”
  • Women have options today. 
  • A number of women today are becoming pursuers.  I guess it has to do with their having their own income and being confident and independent.
  • True, it takes courage to make the first move.  But what’s the worst that could happen … the person could say “NO”.  Rejection is something nobody wants to experience, but you will live and get over it. But, if it works out, you’ll say it was worth it.
  • Although men do enjoy the thrill of the chase; but in many cases, they are flattered when a woman makes advances and initiates a connection or possibly a relationship. 
  • It’s true that someone has to break that barrier, but it really doesn’t matter who.
  • To that million-dollar question, I answer: “ … Without a doubt, most definitely … maybe!”

The Point

Many of us gals want a guy of our own. If it hasn’t happened the old fashioned way, what to do? Some believe that if opportunity doesn’t come knocking, they should go knocking. I say if it’s you … then knock away!

ANTOINETTE’S TIP SHEET*

  1. Keep it subtle and nuanced, when it comes to flirting;
  2. Keep it casual, once he shows interest – never appear too eager or desperate;
  3. Start a conversation about general topics;
  4. Ask him about himself, not yet personal, just interests and sports;
  5. Suggest to meet at a coffee house, if a co-worker, to discuss a project or to discuss the draft document;
  6. Offer a slice of home-cooked pie or cake. He probably loves to eat or he lives to eat (foodie). Either way, propose a cooking class at the supermarket or wherever;
  7. Tell him about a book you are reading. If also a reader, tell him about a book event at the bookstore, ask him if there is any interest;
  8. Inform him about a sports event coming up, saying you’d love to go, but the tickets are sold in twos;
  9. Say you need help buying telephone or computer.  Ask him if he could come with you to the store so you can choose the right one. Once there, say: “Let’s go for coffee.” 
  10. Ask him along with others on an outing … something of a mutual interest; once there, be   attentive to him, sitting beside him.

It’s your move…………. I hope you make it – your love life may be changed for the better!

And that’s my thought of the week on books, what’s yours?*
Take it out for a spin and tell me if you agree.
ALP
“Books are life; and they make life better!*”

PREVIEW (tentatively scheduled for February 4th 2013): Feb. 14th is just around the corner. Of course, it’s Valentine`s Day; it’s also the lesser known S.A.D. day (Single Awareness Day). I was not aware of it– I presume that many of you out there in Internetland also don’t know much about it. I looked into it. Let me tell you what I have discovered. I also will share my thoughts on “singleness”. And by the way, S.A.D. is not contagious. (Editor’s Note: This is another in the continuing series on dating, relationships and marriage.)

P.S. Wowee …Wowee Shop Valente is finally open; and my new line of Antoinerte La Posta* brand of clothing is now available. There is still much more to come to the Save and Read* web site. Watch for it!

 P.P.S. #1 I have a TWITTER page. Consider becoming a follower? Visit www.twitter.com –   saveandread
P.P.S. #2 I also have a FACEBOOK page. Consider becoming a friend? Visit: www.facebook.com – Alp Save Andread – please check it out.
P.P.S. #3 I am on Linkedin. Consider becoming a connection? Visit  www.linkedin.com – Antoinette La Posta
CREDITS

-Web Tech:  richmediasound.com

The above is a new media production of Valente under its “United Author*” program.
*TM/© 2013 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.
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NEED SOMETHING FURTHER? TRY SAVE AND READ* (S&R*) .

ONE – “I SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT!*” – QUOTES
S & R* QUOTE #1:
Benjamin Franklin

 “Honesty is the best policy.” (Source: Wisdom Quotes) –  http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_wisdom.html)
S & R* QUOTE #2: Henry Ford

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” (Source: Wisdom Quotes) –   http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_wisdom2.html)

S & R* QUOTE #3:  Albert Einstein

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.  (Source: Wisdom Quotes) –   http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_wisdom2.html)

TWO – “IT WORDS FOR ME!*” ” Courting”; “Dating”

Courtship is the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind.

(Source:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page)

Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. (Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia)-  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating)

THREE– STUDY/STATISTICS:

Courtship is used by a number of theorists to explain gendering processes and sexual identity. Scientific research into courtship began in the 1980s after which time academic researchers started to generate theories about modern dating practices and norms. Both Moore and Perper found that, contrary to popular beliefs, courtship is normally triggered and controlled by women,[3][4] driven mainly by non-verbal behaviours to which men respond.

This is generally supported by other theorists who specialise in the study of body language.[5] There are some feminist scholars, however, who regard courtship as a socially constructed (and male-led) process organised to subjugate women.[6][7] Farrell reports, for example, that magazines about marriage and romantic fiction continue to attract a 98% female readership.[8] Systematic research into courtship processes inside the workplace[9][10] as well two 10-year studies examining norms in different international settings[11][12] continue to support a view that courtship is a social process that socialises both sexes into accepting forms of relationship that maximise the chances of successfully raising children. Whilst this may negatively impact women, particularly those seeking independence and equality at work,[13][14] it is argued that the majority of negative impacts accrue to men in the form of shorter life-expectancy, higher rates of suicide, alcoholism, homelessness and imprisonment.[15][16]

(Source:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship)

FOUR – BONUS ARTICLES

S & R*NEWS ALERT*#1: Tips for singles on Valentine’s Day

“Valentine’s Day can conjure up feelings of loneliness for those without a mate. But being alone is cheaper, easier, and probably better than going out on some random date, or being with a person you’ve been meaning to break up with for months. If you don’t have a date, don’t stay at home and pout. Here are some ideas to help you celebrate the day of love:

1. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you are saving.

2. Plan well in advance to do something that will not place you in the path of cooing couples. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else on Valentine’s Day.

3. Resist the temptation to turn off your phone and crawl into bed early. Book a deep tissue massage at a fantastic spa, followed by a manicure and pedicure. Host a fondue party or a potluck at your house, or grab a few single friends and book a sightseeing flight over your city.

4. Do you know a couple with children who never go out because they just don’t feel they can afford a babysitter? Offer them a free night of babysitting and let them enjoy a romantic night out.

5. Nothing spreads the love faster than doing a little volunteer work. Take time to remember your good fortune and learn about how you can help improve the lives of children living in poverty through a non-profit organization like Christian Children’s Fund of Canada (www.ccfcanada.ca).

6. If you are single, but would rather not be, think about what is standing in the way of you and a new relationship. Find ways to work on becoming the person your dream partner would fall in love with. Start therapy. Take up yoga. Take action to change the world. It is into the fullest lives that love is most likely to fall.” www.newscanada.com

S & R*NEWS ALERT*#2: Give roses as a symbol of love and peace

“Photo 1 credit: Paul Thompson; Photo 1 caption: Jenni Williams, a Zimbabwean human rights defender and leader of Women of Zimbabwe Arise, offers a rose to Alex Neve, Secretary General of Amnesty International Canada. Jenni was in Canada to speak about the critical human rights situation in Zimbabwe.

Photo 2 credit: Paul Thompson; Photo 2 caption: Zimbabwean human rights defender Jenni Williams inspired delegates at an Amnesty International meeting in Montreal.

This Valentine’s Day, courageous women in Zimbabwe will be handing out paper roses in the streets.

Jenni Williams, the leader of Women of Zimbabwe Arise (WOZA), has lost count of how many times she has been arrested maybe 37 or 38, she says. Jenni and her colleague, Magodonga Mahlangu, are only two of the many women who have been arrested, ill-treated, intimidated and harassed for their peaceful human rights work in this southern African country.

Members often give out paper roses during their peaceful marches to symbolize their slogan of love and peace. At a previous Valentine’s Day event in Bulawayo, banners proclaimed The Power of Love can conquer the Love of Power and women handed out roses to the public. Three of the 53 women arrested had simply been watching. At trial, the prosecutor decided against legal action, and the activists walked free after paying fines.

WOZA was formed in 2003 to defend human rights amidst the political violence in Zimbabwe, and continues their work today by mobilizing to improve living conditions in the country.

Members organize vocal and colourful peaceful demonstrations to protest government policies that lead to worsening social, economic and human rights situations. Police arrest even children, women carrying babies and pregnant women. Officers release many without charge, but take advantage of repressive legislation such as the Public Order and Security Act and the Miscellaneous Offences Act to charge some of them.

The government, in an effort to prevent public protest and criticism of its policies, has become increasingly intolerant of the work of human rights defenders and is actively seeking to silence them. WOZA members will continue by peaceful means to use their freedom to meet together and criticize government policy. Members of Amnesty International around the world are calling for the protection of WOZA members and all human rights defenders in Zimbabwe. Information on how to get involved is available at amnesty.ca/zimbabwe.” www.newscanada.com

*TM/© 2013 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.

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