“DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & CONJUGAL ABUSE: I earnestly want to arrest this terrible scourge!*”

Vol. 1,  No. 42, April 10, 2011

TITLE: “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & CONJUGAL ABUSE: I earnestly want to arrest this terrible scourge!*”

INTRODUCTION

Domestic violence is very destructive. It could even get to the point of the commission of murder.  Conjugal abuse causes great suffering. My book of the week is “The Burning Bed” by Faith McNulty.  Hence,  today’s topic is domestic violence and conjugal abuse. 

MY LIFE & TIMES*

I feel I know the women who are battered.  I’ve heard some say or “If only I hadn’t said that” or “If only I hadn’t done that”. They aren’t ready to leave. I empathize. I truly feel for them.

Here are several stories – “Domestic Violence Personal Stories.”

1. Linda

“My name is Linda and I started having a bad life at 18. I met what I thought was a wonderful man. He was one of my bosses from work. He was so kind to me at fist. We would spend lovely times together just having fun. I seemed important to him; at least I thought I was.

The hitting became beatings almost every day. Even though I was pregnant, he did not care. He said, “If you were a good girl I wouldn’t have to discipline you so much.” I hated hearing that. Be a good girl- that was screwed up ya’ know?”

2. I Am A Survivor: Eddie’s gal

“In the summer of 1996, I met a guy and we knew each other for about three weeks, and then he moved in with my son and I. And he was good to my son and I, he bought me cards and flowers every day and this went on for three months. One day I went to the grocery store and I had been gone about an hour and when I got home Eddie was furious with me. Eddie slammed me down on the couch, causing me to hit my head on the piano.”

3. Wife of scary guy

“I was married to a man who did everything in his power to hurt me mentally, financially, physically, and sexually. I was with him for 13 years, and he was a great husband until the last couple of years. He changed.
I educated myself, and started a business, and he tried everything to stop me. It seemed the better I did business wise, the more controlling he became.

He started not paying bills. Withholding sex. Ignoring me. Calling me names. One night woke up to him yelling at me at 3 am. He had a knife hanging in the bedroom, with a 10″ blade. I woke several night to being hit, he tried to say he was sleeping, and didn’t know he was doing it. He scared me.”

4. Wife/target of Gunny 

“I saw the gun my husband was holding as he stood in the door way of our kitchen. After years of being intimidated to stay in the abusive relationship, I thought to myself “not this time, gun or no gun”. I defiantly turned my back to him and his AK-47, and walked toward the backdoor that was in the kitchen. Something in my head asked “where is the phone?” I looked up and saw the cordless phone in it’s cradle on the kitchen wall. It was a millisecond later that I smelled gunpowder and heard a pop. I caught myself on the kitchen table with my right hand while my left hand was holding my side actually trying to realize that I had been shot.”
(Source:Mental Health Today) – http://www.mental-health-today.com/ptsd/domestic/stories.htm

S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #1:Wife-Beater?
“In April 2002, Billy Baldwin came to brother Alec Baldwin’s defense over allegations of domestic violence. “Is my brother a saint? No. Is he volatile? Yes,” Billy admitted. “But he is not a wife-beater.” So how did Billy explain the National Enquirer’s report of fighting between Alec and his ex-wife, Kim Basinger? “I think what may have happened is that Kim may have taken a run at Alec during a fight, and he may have put his arm up to protect himself or push her off,” Billy hypothesized. “But that’s not beating your wife.”
(Source: www.anecdotage.com) –  http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=14214

S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #2: Shoot Britney
“While speaking at a conference at Hood College in Maryland in October 2003, Kendel Ehrlich, wife of Maryland governor Robert Ehrlich, encouraged women to educate themselves as much as possible and to fiercely guard their independence. How fiercely? “Every woman should be able to take care of themselves and their children on their own,” she declared. “It is incredibly important to get that message to young women. You know, really, if I had an opportunity to shoot Britney Spears, I think I would.” The subject of the conference? Domestic violence, of course…”
(Source: www.anecdotage.com) –  http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=15006

S & R* QUOTE #1: Robert Heinlein
“Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
(Source: Wisdom Quotes) – http://www.wisdomquotes.com/topics/love/index13.html

S & R* QUOTE #2: Anne Frank
“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.”
(Source: Wisdom Quotes) – http://www.wisdomquotes.com/topics/happiness/index5.html

THE AUTHOR: Faith (Corrigan) McNulty

Faith (Corrigan) McNulty, (d.o.b November 28, 1928), is from New York City, the daughter of a judge. She was a college drop-out. She got a job as a copy girl at the New York Daily News. She also worked at Life magazine and, during W.W.II,for the U.S. Office of War Information in London. McNulty was a wildlife writer at The New Yorker magazine for several years. She was an author – she wrote mainly non-fiction and children’s books on wildlife.  She married John McNulty, also a writer; and after he died in 1956, she married  Richard Martin. In her later years, she wrote a weekly column in the Animal Welfare League, which was founded by her mother in southern Rhode Island. She died in 2004 after suffering a stroke. The most notable book was “the Burning Bed” (1980). 
(Fact source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia)
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith_McNulty

THE BOOK: “The Burning Bed” by Faith McNulty (book)
It is the true story of Francine Hughes of Dansville, Michigan a battered housewife. Hughes suffered domestic abuse at the hands of her husband, James Berlin (“Mickey”) Hughes. On March 9, 1977, Hughes told her children to put their coats on and wait in the car. She then started a fire with gasoline around the bed in which the abuser was sleeping.With the fire set, Hughes drove to the local police station. Mr. Hughes died and the house burnt down.  Tried in Lansing, Michigan, she defended herself by saying that her husband had been abusing her for 13 years. Hughes was found not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.

Hughes’ story was not only a book; it was also made into the 1984 film, titled, “The Burning Bed”. In addition, Lyn Hardy, a singer, even wrote a song, entitled “The Ballad of Francine Hughes”.
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francine_Hughes
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Burning_Bed

THE MOVIE: “The Burning Bed” (Screenplay by Rose Leiman Goldemberg)

The book was made into a made-for-television movie.`The Burning Bed”, premiered on NBC on October 8, 1984. The movie, directed by Robert Greenwald, starred the late Farrah Fawcett as Francine Hughes and Paul LeMat as Mickey Hughes.The movie was filmed in Rosharon, Texas. The house that served as the house of Farrah Fawcett’s character still stands today.
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Burning_Bed

SERIES/COLLECTION
Books
Some books by Francine Hughes are:
o How to Dig a Hole to the Other Side of the World
o Dancing with Manatees
o The Burning Bed
o ”The Wildlife Stories of Faith McNulty
o Peeping in the Shell: A Whooping Crane Is Hatched
o Arty The Smarty
o Why Must They Die? The strange case of the prairie dog and the black-footed ferret
o Whales: Their Life in the Sea
o Listening to Whales Sing
o How Whales Walked into the Sea
o The Elephant Who Couldn’t Forget
o Endangered Animals
o The Great Whales
o Hurricane
o If Dogs Ruled the World
o The Lady and the Spider
o Mouse and Tim
o Orphan: The Story of a Baby Woodchuck
o Playing With Dolphins
o Red Wolves
o The Silly Story of a Flea and His Dog
o A Snake in the House
o With Love from Koko
o Woodchuck

CONCLUSION

Domestic violence and conjugal abuse is wrong. It is a VERY serious problem.

My personal comments

Violence and abuse betweem spouses is awful. A man who physically abuses a woman is a coward.  Abusive men often apologize after the beating. Then there is the making-up period.  That is what fools the woman into believing that everything is fine and things will change. Of course, this doesn’t happen. I say that this is the phoney peace… the calm after the storm…but before the next thunder shower. The abused feels great shame.  (N.B. While the abused is generally a woman, there are also batttered men.) It robs her of self-esteem. The abused comes to believe that she is worthless. Then there is the fear. It stops her in her tracks. All of this could bring on depression; some women fall into a deep despair. The scars can go VERY deep; some are for life.  I condemn this abuse. 

The abuser creates the problem. He or she needs help. More often than not, the abused also needs help.

I  believe that the children, who witness this abuse, are also deeply affected. Theywill most probably have problems with their relationships.  Some fall into the same situation. Others will rebel and consciously choose a partner that is not abusive.    

The point

No one should ever be the victim of domestic violence and conjugal abuse.

ANTOINETTE’S TIP SHEET*

The battered person (abused) should:

1. Acknowledge the problem and address it immediately;

2. Determine that she is not at fault – that’s a good first step;
3. Recognize that it’s not about her – the problem lies with him;
4. Take such measures, as early as possible, if and when, she finds herself  in an abusive relationship;

5. Make every effort to alter the situation
6. Seek help immediately; the abused should:
6.1 Go alone to counselling, if your partner refuses to go; 
6.1.1 Attend support groups by yourself if your partner will not comply;

7. Be aware of the bystanders – the children; in this regard,

7.1  Note that it is a parent’s duty to give them a loving and peaceful home;
7.2  Change the situation for the sake of the children; it’s unfair to put them in a violent and stormy atmosphere. 
8. Leave, if there is no sugnificant change, for the sake of your children and also yourself – you’re worth it!
The abuser should:
9. Acknowledge that you have a problem;
10. Seek help immediately; 
11. Go into therapy.

“DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & CONJUGAL ABUSE: “SEE no evil, HEAR no evil, SPEAK no evil“
I can`t – it is evil, so I will look for it and listen for it and shout out about it from the highest mountain top!* 

Take it out for a spin and tell me if you agree.

And that’s my thought of the week on books, what’s yours? *
ALP
“Books are life; and they make life better!*”
CREDITS
-Web Tech:  richmediasound.com

The above is a new media production of Valente under its “United Author*” program.

*TM/© 2011 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.
 
——————————————————
ANNEX I

“IT WORDS FOR ME!*”
For today, my word/phrase(s) are: “domestic violence”, “child abuse”, etc

Domestic violence

“Domestic violence, also known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, family violence and intimate partner violence (IPV), can be broadly defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, friends or cohabitation.[1] Domestic violence has many forms including physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation.[1] Alcohol consumption[2] and mental illness[3] can be co-morbid with abuse, and present additional challenges when present alongside patterns of abuse.Awareness, perception, definition and documentation of domestic violence differs widely from country to country, and from era to era. Estimates[citation needed] are that only about a third of cases of domestic violence are actually reported in the United States and the United Kingdom. According to the Centers for Disease Control, domestic violence is a serious, preventable public health problem affecting more than 32 million Americans, or over 10% of the U.S. population.[4]”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

Child Abuse
“Child abuse is the physical, sexual, emotional mistreatment, or neglect of children.[1] In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) define child maltreatment as any act or series of acts of commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child.[2] Most child abuse occurs in a child’s home, with a smaller amount occurring in the organizations, schools or communities the child interacts with.[citation needed] There are four major categories of child abuse: neglect, physical abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, and child sexual abuse.”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_abuse

_______________________________
ANNEX II

S & R* BONUS FACT * #1: Murder
“In 2005, 1,181 women were murdered by an intimate partner.1 That’s an average of three women every day. Of all the women murdered in the U.S., about one-third were killed by an intimate partner.2”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:  Intimate Partner Violence or Battering
“Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.3 According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year.4 Less than 20 percent of battered women sought medical treatment following an injury.5”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

SEXUAL VIOLENCE
“According to the National Crime Victimization Survey, which includes crimes that were not reported to the police, 232,960 women in the U.S. were raped or sexually assaulted in 2006. That’s more than 600 women every day.6 Other estimates, such as those generated by the FBI, are much lower because they rely on data from law enforcement agencies. A significant number of crimes are never even reported for reasons that include the victim’s feeling that nothing can/will be done and the personal nature of the incident.7”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

THE TARGETS
“Young women, low-income women and some minorities are disproportionately victims of domestic violence and rape. Women ages 20-24 are at greatest risk of nonfatal domestic violence8, and women age 24 and under suffer from the highest rates of rape.9 The Justice Department estimates that one in five women will experience rape or attempted rape during their college years, and that less than five percent of these rapes will be reported.10 Income is also a factor: the poorer the household, the higher the rate of domestic violence — with women in the lowest income category experiencing more than six times the rate of nonfatal intimate partner violence as compared to women in the highest income category.11 When we consider race, we see that African-American women face higher rates of domestic violence than white women, and American-Indian women are victimized at a rate more than double that of women of other races.12”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

IMPACT ON CHILDREN
“According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund, “growing up in a violent home may be a terrifying and traumatic experience that can affect every aspect of a child’s life, growth and development. . . . children who have been exposed to family violence suffer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as bed-wetting or nightmares, and were at greater risk than their peers of having allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches and flu.” In addition, women who experience physical abuse as children are at a greater risk of victimization as adults, and men have a far greater (more than double) likelihood of perpetrating abuse. 13″
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

IMPACT ON HEALTH AND SOCIAL SERVICES
“The Centers for Disease Control estimates that the cost of domestic violence in 2003 was more than over $8.3 billion. This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity. 14”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

LEGISLATION
“In 1994, the National Organization for Women, the NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund (now called Legal Momentum), the Feminist Majority and other organizations finally secured passage of the Violence Against Women Act, which provided a record-breaking $1.6 billion to address issues of violence against women.15 However it took nearly an additional year to force the Newt Gingrich-led Congress to release the funding. An analysis estimated that in the first six years after VAWA was passed, nearly $14.8 billion was saved in net averted social costs.16 VAWA was reauthorized in 2005, with nearly $4 billion in funding over five years.17”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

VIOLENCE BETWEEN SAME-SEX COUPLES
“According to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, “domestic violence affecting LGBT individuals continues to be grossly underreported . . . there is a lack of awareness and denial about the existence of this type of violence and its impact, both by LGBT people and non-LGBT people alike.”18 Myths regarding gender roles perpetuate the silence surrounding these abusive relationships; for example, the belief that there aren’t abusive lesbian relationships because women don’t abuse each other. Shelters are often unequipped to handle the needs of lesbians (as a women-only shelter isn’t much defense against a female abuser), and transgendered individuals. Statistics regarding domestic violence against LGBT people are unavailable at the national level, but as regional studies demonstrate, domestic violence is as much as a problem within LGBT communities as it is among
heterosexual ones.19”
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

S & R* BONUS FACT * #2:
“Women’s violence towards men is a serious social problem.[30] While much attention has been focused on domestic violence against women, researchers argue that domestic violence against men is a substantial social problem worthy of attention.[4] However, the issue of victimization of men by women has been contentious, due in part to studies which report drastically different statistics regarding domestic violence.”
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) –  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_of_domestic_violence#Against_men

S & R* BONUS FACT #3: Child abuse, Child protection, and Child sexual abuse
“When it comes to domestic violence towards children involving physical abuse, research in the UK by the NSPCC indicated that “most violence occurred at home” (78 per cent). 40—60% of men and women who abuse other adults also abuse their children.[40] Girls whose fathers batter their mothers are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually abused by their fathers than are girls from non-violent homes.[41]”
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_of_domestic_violence#Against_men

——————————————————-
ANNEX III

STUDY/STATISTICS: Violence Against Women in the United States: Statistics
“Despite the fact that advocacy groups like NOW have worked for two decades to halt the epidemic of gender-based violence and sexual assault, the numbers are still shocking. It is time to renew our national pledge, from the President and Congress on down to City Councils all across the nation to END violence against women and men, girls and boys. This effort must also be carried on in workplaces, schools, churches, locker rooms, the military, and in courtrooms, law enforcement, entertainment and the media. NOW pledges to continue our work to end this violence and we hope you will join us in our work.”

624221 Temporary Shelters
“This U.S. industry comprises establishments primarily engaged in providing (1) short term emergency shelter for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or child abuse and/or (2) temporary residential shelter for homeless individuals or families, runaway youth, and patients and families caught in medical crises. These establishments may operate their own shelters or may subsidize housing using existing homes, apartments, hotels, or motels.

Cross-References. Establishments primarily engaged in providing emergency shelter for victims of domestic or international disasters or conflicts are classified in Industry 624230, Emergency and Other Relief Services.”
(Source: US Census Bureau) – http://www.census.gov/naics/2007/def/NDEF624.HTM
Table 307. Violence by Intimate Partners by Sex, 1995 to 2007, and by Type of Crime, 2007
[Violence includes rape and sexual assault, robbery, aggravated assault, simple assault and homicide. Intimates are defined as spouses, ex-spouses, current boy/girlfriends, and ex-boy/girlfriends. Based on the National Crime Victimization Survey; see text, this section and Appendix III. Table data have been revised]
Year and type of crime
All persons Female victims Male victims
Number Rate per 1,000 1 Number Rate per 1,000 1 Number Rate per 1,000 1
1995 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  975,510 4.5 858,100 7.7 117,410 1.1
2000 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  670,900 3.0 560,230 4.8 110,670 1.0
2002 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  588,020 2.5 498,210 4.2 89,810 0.8
2003 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  540,700 2.3 444,140 3.6 96,560 0.8
2004 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  612,650 2.5 474,250 3.8 138,400 1.2
2005 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  493,110 2.0 385,850 3.1 107,260 0.9
2006 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 779,040 3.2 617,190 4.9 161,840 1.3
2007, total . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      646,790 2.6 564,430 4.4 82,360 0.7
Rape or sexual assault . . . . . . . .55,110 0.2 55,110 0.4 (B) (B)
Robbery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43,270 0.2 37,320 0.3 5,960 –
Aggravated assault. . . . . . . . . . . 85,010 0.3 69,010 0.5 16,000 0.1
Simple assault . . . . . . . . . . . . . .446,510 1.8 399,370 3.1 47,140 0.4
Homicide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  1,531 0.5 1,185 0.8 346 0.2
– Rounds to zero. B Base figure too small to meet statistical standards for reliability of derived figure. 1 Rates are for the number of victimizations per 1,000 persons aged 12 or older. Except for Homicide, the number of victimizations is per 1000,000 persons aged 12 or older. 2 Due to changes in methodology, the 2006 national crime victimization rates are not comparable to previous years or to 2007; and cannot be used for yearly trend comparisons. However, the overall patterns of victimization at the national level can be examined. See Criminal Victimization, 2007, at <http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs /abstract/cv07.htm>.
Source: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization
Survey, Intimate Partner Violence in the United States, Series NCJ-210675, December 2007 and Crime Victimization, annual,
Series NCJ-224390; <http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/intimate/ipv.htm>.
(Source: US Census Bureau) – http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/2010/tables/10s0307.pdf
________________________________

ANNEX III

S & R* NEWS ALERT* #1: Man arrested on domestic violence
“A Springfield man was arrested early this morning after he was accused of striking a woman he knew in the head and throwing a glass bottle at her.Robert C. Jones, 20, of 312 Gruen Drive, was arrested on charges of domestic violence and assault after the incident at his home between 3:20 and 3:38 a.m. A report from the Springfield Police Division showed Jones fled the scene as police arrived, but they found him hiding in a nearby field a short time later. He was taken to the Clark County Jail.”
(Source:  Google News Alerts) – http://www.springfieldnewssun.com/news/crime/man-arrested-on-domestic
violence-charge-1128693.html

S & R* NEWS ALERT* #2:“Canadians can dine out to support a safer and more just world for women June 2011 
“Throughout the month of June, Canadians in select cities can enjoy a night out while helping to build a safer and more just world for women by joining Amnesty International’s Taste for Justice.Participating Taste for Justice restaurants and other food based businesses are donating part proceeds towards Amnesty’s human rights research and campaigns, and helping to raise awareness about issues of violence and discrimination against women worldwide, including Canada. Some business owners have been a part of the campaign since it began in 2005, such as Estelle Matheson of Mozart Bakery in Langley, BC. For Matheson, Taste for Justice is a unique way to raise funds and promote awareness:  I feel it is important to be involved in my community by using my business as a vehicle to educate people about global issues that matter to me.While most Taste for Justice restaurants are located in Ottawa, Toronto, and Victoria, other communities across Canada are also participating.”
“News Canada” <article@newscanada.com>

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