“OLDER MAN & YOUNGER WOMAN IN LOVE RELATIONSHIP: I give you Beauty and the OLD Geezer*”

Vol. 2,  No. 8, June 26, 2011

TITLE: “OLDER MAN & YOUNGER WOMAN IN LOVE RELATIONSHIP: I give you Beauty and the OLD Geezer*”

INTRODUCTION

My topic this week is older men and younger women in love relationships. My book of the week is: “Dating the Older Man: Consider Your Differences and Decide if He’s Right for You” [Paperback] by Belisa Vranich Psy.D. (Author), Laura Grashow Psy.D. (Author) (Editor’s Note: This is the second of a series on dating. For the first, look up the blog from last week.)

MY LIFE & TIMES*

Personally, I have never been in a relationship with a MUCH OLDER man.  But occasionally, once unattached, I have been approached by a man 15+ years my senior. I wasn’t interested. You see it was like he was on AM and I was on FM. Let me put it this way: he was talking about retirement and “Mellow Yellow”; and I was thinking about living life and “Raining Men!”  I couldn’t relate to them. I rebuffed each of them politely, but firmly.

I also have a little story. There was a couple in their 40s whom I knew. The man left his wife for a woman much younger – she was about 20. His wife took it very hard.  Nothing could change his mind – he was madly in love. The young woman stayed 10 years and then left him.  He was devastated.  He became ill with sorrow.  In the meantime, the ex-wife made a new life for herself and met someone her age. Still with him, apparently … she’s very happy. 

I recently watched the movie, titled, “An Education.” It is a chick flick set in the U.K. with a flip! There was a 16-year old high school girl, dreaming of playing cello and going to university (Cambridge).  A dashing gentleman, a lot older, then drove his fancy car into her life. Her parents struggled.  After a whirlwind  couple of dates, he took her to a whole new level. She started circulating with his friends – living the life of an older woman.  I saw her being robbed of the experiences that young people her age would normally have. But in the end, this 16 year-old did come back to earth.  

Oh by the way, while driving home one evening, there was talk on the radio about surveys on younger women & older men.  A young lady called in and told her mother’s story. At the age of 30, her Mom  married a 50 year old.  Now that he is 70 years old and she is only 50, they no longer get along. In the daughter’s expression, he was a “Grumpy Old Man”. You see…. at a certain age, the number does make a difference!

S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #1: Walter Matthau –  Sex Talk
Matthau once attributed his self-professed preoccupation with sex to his advancing age. “I figure if I’m going to die soon,” he declared, “I might as well talk about an interesting subject.”
(Source: www.anecdotage.com) – http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=8536

S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #2: Sophia Loren – Quickie Wedding
“Loren had been involved with Carlo Ponti for years and desperately wanted to marry him. But, while he insisted that his marriage to Giuliana Fiastri was long since over, he did not divorce her (in fact, divorce was illegal in Italy which would have made it extraordinarily difficult for him to leave Fiastri). “That was the situation when Loren found herself in the wilds of Spain with the gentlemanly Cary Grant. Then 51 and on his failing third marriage to actress Betsy Drake, Grant fell hard for Loren. The 22-year-old, though still in love with Pond, reciprocated and the smitten star requested thatLoren play opposite him in his next big movie, Houseboat, giving her a major break. Ponti could hardly fail to notice. “Afraid of losing his protege, Ponti arranged for a quick Mexican divorce and a proxy marriage to Loren while she was filming Houseboat. The new Mrs. Pond now had what she wanted, but she didn’t even know that her wedding had
taken place until she read about it in Louella Parsons’ newspaper column. Unfortunately, Cary Grant read the same column, just before reporting for the day’s filming. ‘I hope you’ll be very happy,’ he said grimly. The two then proceeded to film Houseboat’s ending, an opulent wedding ceremony, with Loren a vision in a gown of antique white silk.”
(Source: www.anecdotage.com) –  http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=19677

S & R* CHOICE ANECDOTAGE #3: Sophia Loren – Queen of the Sea
“[In 1949] although she was technically too young to enter, [Sophia Loren’s mother] Villani signed Sophia up for the ‘Queen of the Sea’ beauty pageant. She lacked the right clothes, but her resourceful grandmother turned the pink living room drapes into a formal gown and sprayed whitewash on her worn-out black shoes. She didn’t win first prize (a screen test in Rome), but as one of 12 princesses, Sophia did receive prizes, including eight rolls of wallpaper that still adorn the family apartment.”
(Source: www.anecdotage.com) –  http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=19675

S & R* QUOTE #1: Hafiz of Persia
We arePeople who need to love, becauseLove is the soul’s life, Love is simply creation’s greatest joy.
(Source: Wisdom Quotes) – http://www.wisdomquotes.com/

S & R* QUOTE #2: Richard Bach
True love stories never have endings.
(Source: Wisdom Quotes) – http://www.wisdomquotes.com/topics/love/

S & R* QUOTE #3: Audre Lorde
Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever / Only, nothing is eternal.
(Source: Wisdom Quotes) – http://www.wisdomquotes.com/topics/love/

S & R* QUOTE #4: Madame de Stael
Love is the whole history of a woman’s life, it is but an episode in a man’s.
(Source: Wisdom Quotes) – http://www.wisdomquotes.com/topics/love/index2.html

THE AUTHOR: Belisa Vranich Psy.D. (Author), Laura Grashow Psy.D. (Author)

Belisa Vranich Psy.D. (Author)
Vranich is a clinical psychologist She has a private practice in New York City. She believes in treatment that integrates spirituality, physical health, and relationships. She writes the “Dear Doctor” column for The New York Daily News. She is also an author and public speaker. She is single.
 
Laura Grashow Psy.D. (Author)
Grashow Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist. She practices in South Florida. One of her specialties is relationship issues and divorce. She is intent on fostering positive change in their lives. She has done clinical presentations to the New Jersey Psychological Association and the New York City Board of Education.

SERIES/COLLECTION
Books by Belisa Vranich Psy.D.
Some books by Vranich are:

  • He’s Got Potential: A Field Guide to Shy Guys
  • Bad Boys, Intellectuals, Cheaters, and Everything in Between
  • Boys Lie: How Not to Get Played, a sexual and emotional well-being book for teens.
  • Get a Grip: Your Two-Week Mental Makeover
  • Dating the Older Man
  • The Seven Beliefs: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help Latinas Recognize and Overcome Depression.

THE BOOK: “Dating the Older Man: Consider Your Differences and Decide if He’s Right for You” [Paperback] by Belisa Vranich Psy.D. (Author), Laura Grashow Psy.D. (Author)

Apparently, 12 million women have found love and happiness with an older man. This is a guide book. Questions are answered. Real life compliments the theory; there is an “In her words” segment. The chapters unashamedly deal with the BIG issues; several are titled: 1) Are you ready for an older man? 2) Older man  traits 3) Friend and foes 4)  Meet the family… 8) His medicine cabinet 9) Is he ready for marriage: don’t count on it., etc.  One of the points made is that stats show men are living longer and are more youthful; the result is that women in their 20s, 30s and 40s are expanding  their “date span” range to include older men. This book is a good resource for those interested in this topic. The authors speak to women interested in older men with the message:  You are not alone and you can be happy. Although, I have great reservations, more knowledge is always good.  

CONCLUSION

The situation of an older man and a younger woman in a love relationship could be…is …will  probably be a problem.

My Personal Comments

Younger women, who date older men, will argue that men their age are immature and older men are mature. Strangely, during my hunt for Mr. Right, I can honestly say that I’ve met older men who were immature. 

Is the situation of older men and younger women in love relationships more accepted than the reverse? Yes, I think so. It could be explained perhaps by the fact that in most relationships generally, the man is usually older than the woman. But it is also true that the number of years is not really defined. Also, in some cultures, women are subservient.

The Point

There is a big age gap in the situation of an older male and a younger female in a love relationship. They are at different stages in their lives. This is an important factor impacting upon future happiness.

ANTOINETTE’S TIP SHEET*
I encourage you to:
Older men
1. Be aware why a younger woman wants to date you. There are a few key reasons. Here are mine:
(a) There is the financial aspect – you will (i). Take care of her;  (ii). Spoil her; (iii). Provide stability and security; Indeed, money does talk!
(b) She is looking for a father-figure – you are it; be prepared to be mistaken for her Dad. (Indeed, Father’s day will have a brand new meaning.)
(c) You are more worldly …been there …done that; you will show her much! Once shown, what then? 
2. Don’t go there if you’re looking for a lasting relationship;

Younger women
3. Don’t rush it; a young girl should be doing the things age appropriate for her age group.
4. Think twice about entering a love relationship between an older male and a younger female; in many instances, the relationship won’t last; 
5. Be aware why an older man wants to date you. There are a few key reasons. Here are mine:  He wants:
(a) a lot of sex;
(b)  a show piece;
(c) to feel young; in most cases, the man is insecure and needs a boost. To all of the young women out there, I ask: “Hearing this, is your older fella still a good candidate? Is it satisfying for you to be a bimbo on his arm, a play thing whose function is also to rejuvenate an oldster?      
6. Recognize:
(a) That he is at a different stage in his life than you – this could become a HUGE issue at some point later;
(b) That chances are, as the years pass, you will grow up emotionally;
(c) That once mature, you could outgrow the fantasy and see him differently;
(d) That you might tire of the realtionship: you – wanting to go to the clubs to drink and dance, he wanting to stay home to sit on the couch and watch TV.
(e) That you will then notice men your own age or younger and then move on. 
 
To you all of you young women out there from Venus interested in an older man, forget, “Men are from Mars” – the old guy is from deep space: … Pluto!

Take it out for a spin and tell me if you agree.

And that’s my thought of the week on books, what’s yours? *
ALP
“Books are life; and they make life better!*”
CREDITS
-Web Tech:  richmediasound.com

The above is a new media production of Valente under its “United Author*” program.

*TM/© 2011 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.
 
——————————————————
Schedule I
IT WORDS FOR ME!*
For today, my word/phrase(s) are: “age disparity”; “old geezer”; “”; etc.
Age disparity in sexual relationships.
Age disparity in its most typical form is related to the social and economic traits of societies in relation to marriage practices, even when the sexual relationship is not directly related to marriage. A second common trait in sexual age disparity is the presence of non-durable monogamy or divorce.
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships
Geezer
Geezer is a term for a man. It can carry either the connotation of age and eccentricity or, in the UK, that of self-education such as craftiness or stylishness.
(Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geezer

Schedule II
STUDY/STATISTICS
Single life

54%
Percentage of unmarried and single Americans 18 and older who are women.
<http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/families_households/cb07-46.html>

86
Number of unmarried men 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States.
<http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/families_households/cb07-46.html>

15 million
Number of unmarried and single Americans 65 and older. These older Americans comprise 16 percent of all unmarried and single people 18 and older.
<http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/families_households/cb07-46.html>
(Source: U.S. Census Bureau) – http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb07-ffse04.html

Schedule III

S & R* BONUS FACT * #1: Hugh Hefner, 85, and Crystal Harris, 24, 
Crystal Harris is an American model, singer and Playmate. She was the Playboy Playmate of the Month for December 2009.[2] On December 24, 2010, she became engaged to Hugh Hefner (then age 84), to become his third wife.[3] Harris broke off the engagement on June 14, 2011, just five days before their planned wedding.[4] – Born April 29, 1986 (1986-04-29) (age 25)
(Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia) –  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crystal_Harris

*TM/© 2011 Practitioners’ Press Inc. – All Rights Reserved.

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